Big Reveal; MY Emotional Wounds

Klara Karenina Anastasia Tchaikovskaya
December 15, 2015

Klara here,

Have received many comments from you thanking me for my radical honesty. That it’s refreshing and authentic, especially in this industry. I am all about keeping it real. My opinion is that the only way to be happy is to own all the parts of ourselves unapologetically with genuine pride and honour, not arrogance or pompousness, for the sake of sharing and allowing ourselves and others to learn from it.

The reality is that we are all wounded. Thing is, only some of us are aware of the wounds; where they came from and what to do with them, and even how to recognize them showing up in our lives.

As a young girl I was a high performance athlete and I learned through my father, coaches and fellow athletes that I was only worthy of being loved if I stayed on top. If I brought home the medal, the trophy, and if my name was in the newspaper. Truth is I learned to despise everyone because I wanted to be loved and appreciated for ME, just plain old me. Not because I was good at something or because I beat other people. Not because I got straight A’s and won all the honour role awards at school and performance awards in athletics. I used my athletic dedication to disguise the pain and trauma I had at home. Twice divorced parents, split families, tension, stress, fighting, the atmosphere of my home life was awful. Anything I could do to escape it. . . I embraced. Luckily I chose a healthier path than some; being an athlete kept me healthy and focused and out of drugs/alcohol and the like.

Anyways that is just a very short synopsis of my childhood. I learned to seek help and guidance very very young. At just 14 I got my first social worker, then guidance counselor through high school, made best friends with my ballet teacher who was also a psychotherapist, and started therapy at 19 years old. The reason I made it through the bulk of my issues and lack of family support is because I NATURALLY KNEW I NEEDED TO REACH OUT FOR SUPPORT. And I did. And that was my life raft to sanity. It wasn’t easy. I had alot of sh*t to work through, primarily having major ‘daddy issues’.

My Issues Included:

daddy issues: not feeling loved, validated or approved of by my father unless I made him look good. He wanted to be a superstar dad, and as long as I provided that for him he was happy. When I stopped performing and achieving I literally felt him stop loving and approving of me.
I also had a mother who struggled with illness and poverty, and did not really show me that it was possible to be happy in love and in life.
This led to poor choices in dating; I chose men who had little regard for me, little time for me, and would not prioritize me in their life. Of course I thought I had to work harder for their love. And so I would do. Ultimately realizing I was only attracting these kinds of men so I could learn about my own pain and insecurities.
Learn I did. I realized I didn’t feel worthy of being loved unconditionally. I realized how easily my boyfriend could make me feel insecure and insignificant. And I realized I had a huge tolerance for being discarded, rejected and unimportant.
These men were my mirror. They were reflecting back to me my own garbage I had deep inside me. Not until I realized this could I start to heal.
I would always prioritize their happiness, success and growth over mine. Thinking it was my job to fix and help them. Putting myself and my own success on the back burner and majorly suffering because of this. I was missing out on my own life.
Finally after years and years of therapy, coaching and mentoring. . . in groups and in private. . . I’ve realized that the reality is I have a huge heart that desires to be of service. I myself have been through so much emotional pain and have withstood so much of other people’s BS that I have instant empathy for anyone and everyone who is struggling or hurting.
(note) FORGIVENESS for both of my parents was an essential part of my healing. Realizing they are human and that they did their best. . . forgiving them for not being perfect. . . was essential so that I no longer took their behaviour personally. They too were wounded and never got to the other side of their issues. So as parents, of course they would pass this on to their children. (This is why I believe there should be a mandatory parenting course and licensing process, and also for marriage.)
LIGHT BULB: I could be a coach and actually get rewarded ie paid for helping others. Not constantly giving everything I knew away for free and sacrificing my own livelihood for the sake of individuals who usually didn’t even care that much about themselves or their own progress.

So! I set out on becoming a coach and here I am on my journey. Still healing from my last love relationship with yet another man who wasn’t ready to embrace me. (Not sure if he is coming around or not . . . we have a beautiful connection it seems he is not ready for. . . so I am doing my best to accept and love him as he is, while doing what I need to do for myself.) Taking my time being single, fixing my life, opening my professional coaching business and anchoring in everything I’ve learned. I’m currently learning from three 7-figure business owners (in the personal development field) and am extremely dedicated to achieving my goals in life.

What will the future bring for me? Business success. (At least $200k/year). A happy, healthy, romantic fairytale relationship. A happy and healed family. Being able to give back to society and help those in need. Being an inspirational figure who can inspire and allow others to succeed as well.

So there you have it, my life story in a very small and succinct nutshell, I’m sure there are many more details to tell you but that is just the beginning. The point of this post was to authentically reveal my own struggles and show you there’s a way out. But the way through the tunnel is to actually go through the tunnel. You have to take every step necessary to reach the other side. If you decide to turn back you will never make it out. So allow yourself the support, guidance and motivation you require to get to the other side. YOU CAN DO IT! And I have lots of love and care to offer you on your journey.

Lotsa love, Klara

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Big Reveal; MY Emotional Wounds

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